March, One Year Later

For many of us, March of last year was the beginning of a new reality. Now that we are in March again, right around the time last year when everything changed, we are reminded of everything that occurred in the aftermath. It’s difficult to wrap our heads around the events of this past year. The immense tragedies, losses, fears, restrictions, uncertainty, and disruptions of daily life that we experienced, and are experiencing, as individuals, a community, and globally. It’s enough to take our collective breath away every time we think about them, and it’s challenging not to think about them as this month comes around again.

As we move through this month, the days are getting longer and the temperature is rising. We are reminded of last Spring, a time of lockdown, quarantine, social isolation, and everything changing in a way that was scary, unexpected, and unpredictable. We may want to experience this Spring as a new season, one of possibilities, potential, and positivity, but how do we move forward when we remember what we’ve lost? How do we hold space for everything that took place, and is still taking place, this year while also making space for new beginnings? 

Here are a few suggestions that I hope might be able to help us navigate this time and everything that comes with it:

• Acknowledge all of the thoughts, feelings, and reactions that you may be experiencing as you think about this month or this upcoming season. There is no right or wrong way to feel right now, whether you’re feeling worried, sad, or excited. All parts of your experience are valid and accepted.

• Talk to your friends, family, or people you trust about what might be coming up for you and for them now. Discussing your experiences with others can give everyone a space to process what occurred and to recognize what we might be feeling. You might be surprised at how many people are feeling similarly to you. 

• Take time to remember the memorable moments of the last year. Whether it was a happy moment with your children, a nice walk with a friend, or learning to use Zoom for the first time, take the time to remember the good moments in addition to all the difficult ones. This can help us feel some measure of gratitude, this can help us make room for genuine happiness despite everything. 

• Allow yourself to make mindful choices based on the values you might have learned or been reminded of over the last year. Many of us had moments of reflection and realization during this year and now might be the time to channel those into new choices. Maybe you recognized the importance of spending time with those you love, rebuilding connections with old friends, or engaging in new hobbies. Whatever those values are, living in accordance with them will leave you feeling more whole. 

• See if you could find opportunities for giving to others. Giving is a proven path to helping ourselves heal from difficult experiences. Maybe you were too overwhelmed this year to be there for others, and now can be a good time to find or create those opportunities again. 

• Lastly, gently notice if you may still be engaging in some unhealthy coping strategies you might have adopted around this time last year, as we first faced the shock and trauma of the beginnings of the pandemic. These could include spending too much time on your phone, trading real social connections for social media, emotional overeating as a form of avoidance, or any other vices or unhealthy habits you might have picked up. Try to be compassionate towards yourself as you do this, because you might have had good reason to rely on those strategies at the time, even if they are no longer serving you. If you recognize that there are any truly detrimental patterns you’ve established, remember that now can be a time to seek help and create change.

Therapy: Who is it Really For?

Therapy is usually the first stop for an individual who is dealing with a specific, big issue like depression, anxiety, phobia, trauma response, eating disorders, or grief. When an issue is holding a person back from functioning, it is obvious that help is needed and the form of that help is often a licensed, competent therapist. However, the function of or need for therapy is less clear when people are  functioning well in many, or even most, areas of their lives but still feel that something just isn’t quite working. They might experience it as something missing or as something that keeps getting them stuck and unable to achieve some goal. However, because they’re functioning well overall, they feel like going to a therapist would be indulgent and dramatic. I’ve heard people say that speaking to a therapist about their lives would be selfish because their “problems” are tiny in comparison to other people’s real struggles, that they’re not struggling enough to warrant them spending time with a therapist.

Of course as a therapist I’m (maybe more than) slightly biased when it comes to the subject of therapy, but after working with a variety of clients with many different needs, I want to offer my perspective on the matter. 

If we think of therapy as a time to sit and complain or vent about issues, or as a time for pity and self-pity, then therapy is indeed indulgent and selfish, and unless you have “real” problems, you don’t need to have that space. (Even if you do have “real” problems, this likely wouldn’t be helpful for you.) The process of therapy is in actuality completely different than that. It is a process of getting to getting to know yourself better, having a space to clearly see the patterns that might be keeping you stuck and unable to reach your personal goals, and having someone guide you towards seeing your blind spots that cause you to struggle in your relationships, friendships, or your marriage. The ultimate goal of all of these aspects is to ensure that you are getting closer to reaching your full potential and that you are able to bring your best self to your role in this life. 

Having the experience of going through this process with your therapist serving as a supportive, trusted ally also serves a multipurpose role. It allows you to see parts of yourself that you were unable to unwilling to see beforehand because those parts were too deeply hidden or too overwhelming to acknowledge on your own. It also gives you the firsthand experience of what a healthy relationship feels like so that you could seek out further healthy relationships AND be able to be that person for others in your life. A therapist can teach a person to have self-compassion, which gives them the ability to have true compassion for others. This can be life-changing for the individual in therapy and for their family and friends who are close to them.