Therapy: Who is it Really For?

Therapy is usually the first stop for an individual who is dealing with a specific, big issue like depression, anxiety, phobia, trauma response, eating disorders, or grief. When an issue is holding a person back from functioning, it is obvious that help is needed and the form of that help is often a licensed, competent therapist. However, the function of or need for therapy is less clear when people are  functioning well in many, or even most, areas of their lives but still feel that something just isn’t quite working. They might experience it as something missing or as something that keeps getting them stuck and unable to achieve some goal. However, because they’re functioning well overall, they feel like going to a therapist would be indulgent and dramatic. I’ve heard people say that speaking to a therapist about their lives would be selfish because their “problems” are tiny in comparison to other people’s real struggles, that they’re not struggling enough to warrant them spending time with a therapist.

Of course as a therapist I’m (maybe more than) slightly biased when it comes to the subject of therapy, but after working with a variety of clients with many different needs, I want to offer my perspective on the matter. 

If we think of therapy as a time to sit and complain or vent about issues, or as a time for pity and self-pity, then therapy is indeed indulgent and selfish, and unless you have “real” problems, you don’t need to have that space. (Even if you do have “real” problems, this likely wouldn’t be helpful for you.) The process of therapy is in actuality completely different than that. It is a process of getting to getting to know yourself better, having a space to clearly see the patterns that might be keeping you stuck and unable to reach your personal goals, and having someone guide you towards seeing your blind spots that cause you to struggle in your relationships, friendships, or your marriage. The ultimate goal of all of these aspects is to ensure that you are getting closer to reaching your full potential and that you are able to bring your best self to your role in this life. 

Having the experience of going through this process with your therapist serving as a supportive, trusted ally also serves a multipurpose role. It allows you to see parts of yourself that you were unable to unwilling to see beforehand because those parts were too deeply hidden or too overwhelming to acknowledge on your own. It also gives you the firsthand experience of what a healthy relationship feels like so that you could seek out further healthy relationships AND be able to be that person for others in your life. A therapist can teach a person to have self-compassion, which gives them the ability to have true compassion for others. This can be life-changing for the individual in therapy and for their family and friends who are close to them.